Male sexuality has many myths that have problematically been accepted as truth and have been perpetuated through multiple generations. Many of these myths are oppressive and sexually limiting, but some of these lies also create negative impacts on men’s sexual health and sexual pleasure. Healthy sex and mind-blowing orgasms require unlearning these myths and living in opposition to them. Dr. Chris Donaghue is here to to bust any myths about male sexuality!
Our sexual confidence and body esteem are integral parts of our general self-esteem and powerfully impacts our ability to enjoy sexual pleasure fully. Dismantling these myths about male sexuality is a requirement for all male identified people wanting a hotter, more pleasurable, and freer sex life.
Myth 1: If you don’t stay or get erect when you want then you must have a dysfunction.
Healthy erections don’t always work the way we want them to, when we want them to. This is not a disorder, it’s a natural variation in healthy functioning. It’s called erectile disappointment, not erectile dysfunction, because erections come and go. The work is in not panicking, and instead staying in the moment and continuing on with giving and receiving pleasure. Sex should not stop because an erection was lost. Good sex is about pleasure and fun, not performance. If you are focusing on performance- what you are doing, how you look, and if you are erect- then you are no longer in the moment, in your body, focused on pleasure, which is the entire goal of sex. How everything feels, not what you are doing.
And a final note to sexual partners: don’t take healthy erectile variability and erectile disappointments personally. It’s not about your partner’s interest and attraction to you. This is just how arousal, erections, and healthy sexuality works. It’s always an ebb and flow, and never “perfect” as it is on TV or in porn.
Myth 2: Erections are required for sex.
Erections are not required for sex. Sex is about pleasure, and erections and penetration are not needed for pleasure. When having erectile disappointment, move on to using your fingers, tongue, and toys to keep having sex and fun. Remember, sex is supposed to be fun! There are so many diverse ways to use your body and to have fun. Mature hot sex is not only about penetration, and it sometimes never even involves penetration. It’s about connecting to your body, your partners, and to pleasure.
Myth 3: Male sexuality is not fluid.
Nope, we are all more sexually diverse and fluid then we realize.
Our sexuality is always evolving and changing. But toxic masculinity, homophobia, slut shaming, and gender roles shame us into reducing our full total sexuality into what’s socially acceptable, thereby allowing anxiety to create our sexual and bodily limits. We are all far more sexually fluid than we realize, because we fall into sexual habits and routines, reinforcing the same sexual behaviors over and over. Sex should be new and novel when with a new partner, and even with repeat partners.
Myth 4: All men are sexual.
Males experience low sexual desire, and are not always hypersexual. Males can also be asexual and solosexual (more masturbatory and not desirous of partnered sex)
Myth 5: All men are Tops.
Some men are passive, some don’t initiate sex, and some have a totally receptive sexuality. Not all men are “tops” or assertive with sex and arousal. One’s gender expression does not promise or dictate their sexuality. Sexual health is about authentically embodying your honest sexual desires, and this will often challenge gendered expectations and norms.
Myth 6: Men just want sex, and don’t want an emotional connection.
This may be true for some, but others are more demi sexual (sexual desire emerges after an emotional connection) and some prioritize affection and emotional connection before their sexual desire. Its ok to have sex immediately or to delay sex depending on your current needs and desires.
Myth 7: Sexual anatomy is genitals only.
A man’s full body is an erogenous zone, including the anal area. And no, anal play does not make you “gay” (toxic masculinity, gender roles, and homophobia only thinks so). Our entire body has the ability to get us off, and penetrative sex bypasses a lot of erogenous zones and diverse ways of building intimacy and connection.
Sexual health and hot orgasms mean breaking out of these myths to engage in more authentic sex and sexual desire. Growing out of these limits on male sexuality is the work that all of us most do regardless of gender expression. It’s not always easy, but the payoff is a lifetime of hotter sex and higher levels of arousal.
Prostate Pleasure Tips: What You Need to Know to Level-Up Your Orgasm
We want men and their partners everywhere to know just how much pleasure is possible with a little exploration. We’ve put together five things you should know to get started with prostate play — and experience next level pleasure for yourself.
And yes, this involves butts. Believe us, it’s worth it.
1. Just how good can it be?
Answer: Really, really (really) good.
Let’s start with why. Why are you going to be exploring your (or your partner’s) prostate, when it’s accessed via a pathway that people sometimes find a little intimidating?
Because it turns out that sex and pleasure go way beyond the sensations you can experience through the penis alone. The dominant narrative is this: men’s sexuality — and their orgasms — are pretty simple. It’s time to overturn that theory, and the prostate is key to doing so.
While prostate stimulation can add extra, super-pleasurable layers to the sensations you’ve come to expect when you climax, it can also create a totally different experience. Instead of being localized in the penis or groin, these sensations radiate through the body, extending into wave after wave of broader pleasure.
It’s most commonly described as “mind-blowing.” For real. Full body orgasms. Waves of pleasure that “go on and on.” And did you know men can have multiple orgasms? Now you do. Thanks, Prostate.
This is next level pleasure.
2. What exactly is the prostate?
The prostate is a walnut-sized gland located inside the groin, close to the base of the penis. Its job is to secret prostate fluid, one component of semen. Luckily for all of us, it’s also the source of intense pleasure, if you find the right spot and stimulate it in the right way.
The prostate has a lot in common with the G-spot. It’s a small, sensitive gland that’s packed with pleasure-seeking nerve endings — it’s even been called the P-spot.
3. Know what you’re looking for.
Before you set off in search of the holy grail of orgasms, you’ll need to know a little bit about what you’re looking for.
While the prostate is located inside the groin, the best and most direct way to stimulate it is via the anterior wall of the rectum. Gently insert a lubed finger or prostate toy (use water-based lube if you’re using a silicone toy), curving towards the front of the body. About two inches in, you’ll find the prostate, which will feel smooth and symmetrical, with a bit of bounce (kind of like a ripe plum).
4. Everybody is different.
And every body is different. There is no one-size-fits-all approach when it comes to the prostate. Customization is key — playing with different rhythms, pressure and angles to find what the sensations that take you over the edge.
We can say that most prostates really enjoy alternating pressure (a sort of “on/off” sensation), which makes a vibrating prostate massager an ideal way to start playing. Play with different vibrations and intensities to find what you like.
5. From solo to soulmates (and everything in between), prostate pleasure has a place.
When you’re just getting started with prostate pleasure, you might want to experiment on your own, using a toy to find the sensations you like. But prostate pleasure is not just a solo sport.
The level of pleasure you can experience via the prostate is fun for everyone. And did we say fun? We meant super hot. And that makes for epic sex.
And this doesn’t need to be a fumbling experience — modern technology means customizable, ergonomically designed toys that you can control from your smartphone. A smooth experience for everyone involved.
Which leads us to: Vector.
You can play in all kinds of ways. Fingers are awesome. Toys are awesome (do make sure they have a flared base). As we’ve said — we think prostate pleasure is, in every way, awesome.
The makers of the world’s most popular couples’ massager are offering men a new level of pleasure as they launch Vector by We-Vibe. The first prostate massager by We-Vibe® is perfect for both male solo pleasure and can be used as a couple. It was developed with leading experts to achieve maximum pleasure.
Vector is designed for total comfort with rumbling vibrations that target both the prostate and the perineum and custom fit that adjusts to your body — so you can find the perfect fit and hit just the right spots! Users can experiment with different angles and vibration modes to find out what works best for them.
Intensity and vibration modes can be customized with the easy-to-use wireless remote or the free We-Connect™ app. Play and share control of Vector from anywhere, create custom vibes and play together with other We-Vibe® products. It’s whisper quiet so it can be used for spontaneous fun wherever you are, you can even enjoy in the shower as it’s 100% waterproof. It’s made with body-safe silicone, free from phthalates and BPA and made without latex.
The low-power alert will let you know when your Vector needs a charge so that it’s ready when you are. USB-rechargeable, it’s convenient and eco-friendly, with up to 90 minutes of play on a single charge.
Silva Neves, specialist psychosexual psychotherapist based in London says: “Many people have heard of the female G-spot and the amazing sexual pleasure that the clitoris can produce. However, the male G-spot is much less discussed. It is important for men to get to know that area of the body as full sexual pleasure doesn’t only involve the penis. In fact, many men who are penis-focused experience sexual difficulties.”
See more details at we-vibe.com