Tim Lagman, is a board-certified sexology educator with the American Board of Sexology and a pleasure advocate based in Toronto, Canada. He began his sexual journey through escorting, where he worked with several clients from different backgrounds and all walks of life, ranging from couples, individuals, poly relationships, and everything in between. He then received his advanced diploma in Business Management, specialising in the music industry and graduated with honours. Combining his knowledge of sex and business, he decided to combine the two fields to start his journey as a sex educator, delivering workshops, speaking on panels, shows, and podcasts, and providing expert advice on sexual health publications. In his free time, Tim likes to volunteer and give back to the community through outreach in Toronto’s LGBTQ+ scene, providing sex education and harm reduction resources to the public. It is his mission in life to make sex fun and funny, as he loves to make people laugh and believes in the curative powers of hilarity.
We met with Tim, the Resident Sex Educator for pjur lubes, and this is everything we talked about.
Apply more than you think you need” is your golden rule. For queer men and anyone engaging in anal play, lube isn’t an accessory—it’s a necessity. Why do you think people still chronically underestimate how much they need, and how does the right amount transform an experience?
A common misconception about lube is that needing it means something is wrong with our bodies. People may think that if you’re turned on enough, you don’t need lube. While most people use just enough lube to reduce friction, they should use enough to maximise comfort and pleasure. Good quality lube allows the body to relax and reduce discomfort and stay present instead of worrying about pain. When you’re comfortable, it’s easier to connect with pleasure and enjoyment.
A lot of people just grab the cheapest bottle at the drugstore. From a sexologist’s perspective, what are the major “red flag” ingredients queer folks should actively avoid to protect their skin, their toys, and their peace of mind?
Here is a (non-exhaustive) list of ingredients to watch out for when buying lube and why you should try to avoid them.
-Petrolatum/petroleum jelly: can weaken condoms, invite bacterial growth, may contain carcinogenic elements due to its oil refining process.
-Nonoxynol-9: spermicide that has been shown to increase risk of inflammation and irritation, making the body more susceptible to STIs.
-Chlorhexidine gluconate: an anti-bacterial that, while safe in small amounts, can be corrosive to sensitive tissue.
-Parabens: act as a preservative but are known to disrupt hormone levels.
-Sodium hydroxide: aka caustic soda, used in lube as a pH-adjusting agent, can cause skin and eye burns.
-Propylene glycol: while generally safe in small amounts, this is an ingredient used in antifreeze that might irritate genital tissue depending on your skin sensitivity. For this reason, always do a spot test before using lube with this ingredient.
-Glycerin: safe and non-toxic, this acts as a humectant to keep the skin hydrated, but because it’s a byproduct of sugar, it may act as a food source for yeast, especially if you’re prone to yeast infections.
Investigating which brands are actually being careful about these possible disruptors is important. Always choose brands that care about your sexual wellness by creating products that are bodily safe and medically tested, pjur lubricants do a fantastic job at this.
Silicones vs. Water-based is the ultimate bedroom debate. For long-lasting, marathon sessions or deep backdoor play, why is a high-quality silicone formula a complete game-changer over water-based alternatives?
Silicone is not easily absorbed by the skin which means it stays slippery much longer than water and requires fewer reapplications. This makes silicone ideal for long sessions and even having sex while showering because the water won’t wash off silicone easily. Also, the anus won’t absorb silicone the way it absorbs water making anal sex much more pleasurable and free from friction. My recommendation for this kind of play is pjur BACK DOOR Relaxing.
There’s a massive cultural myth that gay men are biological machines ready for sex 24/7. How do you use your platform to debunk these rigid expectations around testosterone and libido, and help guys realize that desire isn’t just a tap you turn on?
On my platform, I talk about the realities of living as a gay man regarding the myth about wanting sex all the time and reconciling that with the truth that life’s stressors can affect one’s sex drive. Libido isn’t just about testosterone levels. Stress, sleep, mental health, medication, relationship dynamics, body image, aging, and overall well-being all influence sexual desire. There are days when you’ll feel strong desire, and there are days when you don’t. Both are completely normal.
Let’s talk about the low-risk, high-reward joy of edging and orgasm control. For partners looking to dial up the intimacy and experiment with tension, what are your top tips for successfully executing a “hands-off reset” without driving each other insane?
Some of my favourite edging techniques without frustrating each other is immediately stopping any form of genital stimulation include kissing, cuddling, eye contact, touching other body parts, and dirty talk. This keeps partners staying in the present moment and focused on each other while keeping the orgasm at bay. It helps build anticipation, and helps couples discover that emotional intimacy can be just as exciting as physical stimulation.
When exploring new kinks or heavier play, communication can sometimes feel like a mood-killer. How do you advise casual hookups or long-term couples to establish hard boundaries and safe words in a way that feels empowering and sexy rather than clinical?
I like to reframe conversations about boundaries and safe words as flirting instead of paperwork. Questions like “What have you been curious to try?” or “What makes you feel sexy and turned on?” as more exciting than treating consent like a checklist.
Your career path is incredibly unique, transitioning from four years as a self-employed sex worker into certified sex education. How did your firsthand time in the sex industry shape your understanding of what queer people actually want when the bedroom door closes?
During my time as a sex worker, I learned that people yearn more for an emotional connection than a physical one. Yes, part of my job was helping fulfill sexual desires and fantasies, but another part of my job, a part that is often overlooked, is helping my clients feel wanted and connected through non-sexual means like going out on dates, having someone to listen to, and helping them get comfortable with who they are. Most people aren’t looking for porn-style sex. Dig deep enough and you see that people want to be understood and to understand themselves better.
Your podcast, Sex Ed with Tim, perfectly pairs hard sexual health facts with unfiltered, raucous comedy. Why is infusing humor into these discussions such a vital tool for breaking down the residual shame and stigma the LGBTQ+ community still carries?
Humour lowers people’s defenses. Sex is already a very scary, vulnerable, and awkward topic which can make discussions and questions difficult. Laughter creates psychological safety allowing us to have more holistic and comfortable conversations. Some of the best conversations I’ve had started with people laughing at an embarrassing story before realizing they had permission to ask the question they’d been carrying for years.
We’ve come a long way with sexual safety, from the height of the HIV/AIDS crisis to the modern era of PrEP and Doxy-PEP. How do we change the conversation so that practicing safe sex feels like an act of pleasure and self-love rather than a fear-based restriction?
I like framing sexual health as something that expands freedom rather than limits it. Using PrEP, considering Doxy-PEP when appropriate, getting tested regularly, and talking openly with partners aren’t just about preventing infections. They’re ways of caring for yourself and the people you have sex with. Safer sex isn’t just about what we’re consenting and not consenting to. It’s about creating conditions where pleasure feels relaxed and not overshadowed by anxiety.
The queer community has a rich history of sexual liberation and resilience. As a pleasure advocate, what is the number one message of hopeful, unapologetic sexual freedom you want the next generation to carry forward?
My hope is that young queer people inherit a version of sexuality rooted in curiosity instead of shame, communication instead of assumptions, and pleasure that is deeply connected to consent, respect, and self-acceptance.
YASS Magazine 