Starved of a crucial part of himself, he ate. Before long, his body became another burden to carry and to hide. As a promising artist, he dreamed that through his work he might one day find fulfilment in the outstretched (ideally muscular) arms of America. But on arriving in the self-proclaimed land of tolerance, he finds himself at turns denied or fetishized for the colour of his skin and scrutinized due to the colour of his passport. And as if that weren’t enough, his art is seen through a cultural lens that only evaluates that which is not white in relation to that which is.

Searching for his place somewhere between these two worlds, he navigates a minefield of expectations, assumptions and self-doubt. He discovers there are people (and parts of himself) he will need to let go of to move forward, because it’s sometimes the people closest to you who trip you up. But then there are also those who get you through.

Shifting from white supremacy, to Barbra Streisand, to body shaming, to immigration, to America, to Islam, to politics and to culture, Manboobs is the story of one man’s journey to self-acceptance.

What is this book about?

MANBOOBS is my funny, irreverent but honest memoir about growing up gay & fat in Pakistan and a post 9/11 America all told through the lens of musicals. But, like any life, it’s about so much more than just trauma and carbs, It’s about love, sex, Disney princes, colonialism, friendships, queerness, depression, gay culture, joy, dieting, spirituality, Julie Andrews, Grindr, the happiness of belonging, the price of self-acceptance and, at one particularly mortifying point, a fight with a tampon. I promise you haven’t read anything like it.

Where did you find the inspiration behind the book?

I wanted to write about all the things that I was terrified to write about.

How can someone be at the same time too gay for Pakistan and too Muslim for America?

By existing in the small but potent overlapping space between Colonialism, American imperialism, and Cheesecake enthusiasts.

When did you start to feel different as a child?

I always felt like a bird of paradise in a nest of sparrows.

What was your story for self-acceptance?

My story of self-acceptance is available on pre-sale now everywhere books are sold! I encourage you to buy your own Manboobs. Well, you know what I mean…

How has the colour of your skin, the shape of your body and your heritage impacted your life?

In all the ways colorism impacts a lived experience, from being treated deferentially for the unearned privilege of my skin tone in Pakistan to the undeserved loathing it inspired among some white people abroad.

How easy or difficult did you find it as a queer person to express who you are in everyday life in New York?

One of the things I love about the city is that it is supremely uninterested in anyone, especially you, which makes existing here as your truest self both wonderfully easy and shockingly expensive.

Apart from a writer, you are also a visual artist. Which one of these identities describes you more?

I think of my writing and painting as different mediums, much in the same way I can switch between using watercolor and oil paints. Whether paint strokes of words, it’s still just me.

What are your future plans?

I’m currently working on some painting projects in my NY studio, and until the book comes out my attention is focused on getting beautiful people with great skin and intelligent hearts such as yourself to consider buying a copy of Manboobs.

Manboobs: A very queer memoir is published by Doubleday on 08 August.

Komail Aijazuddin is a visual artist and writer. He holds degrees in Art & Art History from New York University and an MFA from the Pratt Institute, NY.  He lives and works in New York City. https://www.komailaijazuddin.com/