Katie Neeves is an LGBTQ+ campaigner and the founder of Cool2BTrans. After transitioning in adulthood, she feared rejection from both her family and friends, as well as her photography clients. Today, Katie attends events and conferences as an LGBT+ speaker, teaching audiences the importance of inclusion. In this exciting interview for Pride Month, she talks more about the value of inclusivity and the biggest fears she faced during her transition.

Can you tell us more about your transgender journey?

“I’ve had a lot of help throughout my journey from a clairvoyant and spiritual guide, who I happened to meet at a business networking event! Clairvoyants are so interesting to talk to and I was just so fascinated by her that I decided to go for a reading.

“It was her reading that set me on the path I’m on today. She said lots of things that were amazing and just so pinpoint exact. But then she said other things that just didn’t make sense at the time. She said things like ‘a new way of being’, ‘there’s an issue that you’ve always known about, but you’re not fully in integrity with’ and ‘you need to go for a long walk to talk to yourself, talk to nature and talk to spirit, and they will show you what you need to see’. So, I thought, ‘oh alright, I like walking so what the hell!’

“When I finally did do it, it just happened to coincide with my gender dysphoria, which is a great feeling of unease and a mismatch between how you feel in your head and heart, versus your sex characteristics and the sex you were assigned at birth. My gender dysphoria increased dramatically, and whether that was a coincidence or not, I don’t know, but it happened about the same sort of time.

“I’ve gone back to her several times since and it was in a big session with her that I admitted to myself I’m a transgender woman and that I need to change my body. And of course, as soon as you admit that to yourself and acknowledge your true gender identity, you can’t unknow it – the genie wasn’t going back in the bottle!

“But it’s one thing knowing it and another thing doing something about it. I had no choice about being trans, it’s just who I am. I didn’t want to be trans; I didn’t choose to be trans; nobody chooses to be trans! The only choice I had was whether to do something about it. I’m so glad I did because I am so much happier now!”

What were some of your main fears leading up to your transition? 

“My biggest fear was not being accepted, so losing friends and family, losing my business, my income and my whole reputation- so just a few, small things [laughs] it was massive, it was absolutely huge. 

“The other thing was my photography and video business was, and still is, named after my old male name, Martin. It’s called ‘Martin Neeves Photography and Film’, and at that stage, it had been an established brand for 22 years. It was, and still is, ranked second in the UK on photographers on Free Index purely from customer reviews. I was commissioned twice to photograph the Queen inside Buckingham Palace!

“I built up a great reputation for myself, so I felt I couldn’t change the name of the business. I had to somehow detach myself from the name of that business. So, I made a coming out video, I put it on almost social media, and I sent it to my clients. It was such a risk. If you have a look at my website, it’s still on there and you can see how red-faced and stressed I was!

“I vividly remember my finger nervously hovering over the mouse, knowing that as soon as I clicked, my life would never be the same again. I clicked the mouse and I waited, but then I had to go on a job! My mind wasn’t on the job at all. I got it done as quick as I could, I was on autopilot and the client was very happy with the pictures, but I couldn’t wait to get back to see what was happening online because I was so worried!

“Everything, my whole livelihood, my reputation, everything rested on the reaction to that one video. I needn’t have worried because when I got back, I was inundated with hundreds of messages of support. It was amazing. I felt so loved and it went from being something that I was absolutely dreading, to being one of the most uplifting experiences of my life – second only to the birth of my daughter!”

Speaking as an LGBTQ+ campaigner, why is inclusion so important?

“I think it’s important because of all the negativity that’s put out, we need to counter it.  LGBTQ+ events aren’t just for LGBTQ+ people, they’re for everyone because we’re all part of society. We need allies so much because trans people make up around 1% of the population, and so we need help from the other 99% to make us feel valid. 

“I’ve got some wonderful friends who are true allies – I’ll give you an example of something that a true ally does. Just before Christmas 2019, I went to a black-tie event and there were several people in the room who knew me. There were two men who were talking just on the other side of the room, and one pointed me out and said, ‘you see that woman over there, that used to be Martin Neeves, I don’t get it myself.’ He started talking about me quite disparagingly.

“Thankfully, the man he was talking to had previously watched a lot of my vlogs, and so he’d been educated on trans issues purely from my videos. He just said, ‘well actually, there’s a lot more to it than that’ and proceeded to educate this other man. This was all completely without my knowledge, I only found out about that conversation after the event.

“That is what a true ally does and shows why allies are vital. A lot of bigotry and prejudice comes from a fear of the unknown. So, if you can take that unknown away through education, the more acceptance there is and the easier it becomes for other trans people to admit to themselves that they’re trans, because that’s the hardest thing.”

This interview with Katie Neeves was conducted by Chris Tompkins.